The Best Goal You Can Set For Yourself

Every good marketer knows that people don’t buy the products they sell. They buy how the product they sell makes them feel.

If you ask most people how they want to feel, they’ll say they want to feel “good.”

They want better health or improved relationships in order to feel good. They want more money because they think it will make them feel good.

What does good feel like?

The problem with wanting to feel “good” is that it’s vague and subjective. What feels good to me is probably different from what feels good to you.

For example, change feels good to me.

Change excites me. It activates new thinking in my brain and presents opportunities to learn and grow. When the outcome of something is uncertain, it feels adventurous. I become curious and resourceful.

Change awakens me, keeps me from sleepwalking through life, and makes me feel alive and resilient.

For those reasons, change feels good to me.

I know that isn’t true for everyone.

A few years ago, I encountered a book called The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul. The premise of the book is that everything we do — from what we eat, to how we dress, what vehicle we drive, and who we associate with — is motivated by a desire to feel a certain way.

The author suggests that if we can identify our core desired feelings (that is, the feelings that make us feel “good”), we can use them to guide our choices about how we spend our time, money, and energy.

Choosing experiences that allow us to feel our core desired feelings more frequently will help us feel good more often.

If I look back at what I wrote about change, there are several feelings I experience with it: adventurous, curious, resourceful, awakened, alive, and resilient.

I experience similar feelings when I travel. Not surprisingly, traveling — especially to new places — feels good to me.

A New Guidance System

To say that reading The Desire Map changed my life is an understatement.

Examining various areas of my life — relationships, lifestyle, spiritual, mental, physical, financial, professional — I explored how I wanted to feel in each. Some of the feelings I uncovered were surprising to me at first, but I was able to see overlap and patterns. From those, I identified four core desired feelings.

Once I zeroed in on these specific feelings, I was able to see why, even though I was successfully completing plans and achieving goals I set for myself, I didn’t necessarily feel good as a result.

It wasn’t that they were bad goals or faulty plans. They just weren’t producing the effects or feelings I desired deep down.

Two things happened when I began using my core desired feelings as a guide:

  1. It became easier to make decisions about how to use my time, money, and energy.
  2. I felt good more frequently.

I’ll give you an example of how it works.

I am blessed with a loving extended family who I enjoy spending time with. I also like to cook and entertain, so my home is often the site for our gatherings.

On the surface, when my family (who I like) comes over, and I’m able to cook and host them in my home (which I like), I should be setting myself up to feel good. Oftentimes, however, I felt flat and depleted after they left.

After identifying connected as one of my core desired feelings, I made a point to spend more time relating, listening, and connecting to my family when we were together, instead of spending the bulk of my time and energy cooking and attending to the details of hosting. I planned menus and took care of details before they arrived, so I could better connect with them while they were there.

It was a simple shift with a huge payoff.

The great thing about using your core desired feelings as a guide for how to spend your time and other resources is that it provides a decision-making framework that simplifies your choices and by extension your life.

Every yes you say is a no to something else.

When presented with different options, you can evaluate them based on whether they contribute to your feeling the way you want to feel.

This doesn’t mean you never choose to do things that don’t make you feel good, but you make your choices with more awareness and attention to feeling the way you want to more often.

The Gift of Attention

Sometimes the simple act of placing your attention on the way you want feel can help you generate the feeling, even if your outer circumstances haven’t changed.

When I walk or run outside, I typically listen to things that motivate me — a guided workout, a podcast, or other recordings. It’s not unusual for me to become so engrossed in what I’m listening to that I barely notice my surroundings.

With the awareness that feeling connected makes me feel good, I consciously choose to shift my attention at times from the voice in my ears to the beauty of the sun rising in the distance or to the air dancing through the trees around me. By doing so, I feel more connected to spirit.

Sometimes I pay special attention to my breath or the different muscles in my body, noticing how they feel as I move, and I feel more connected to myself and to my physical body.

More isn’t better. Better is Better.

Awareness of the way you want to feel can also transform your spending habits.

It becomes easier to decide whether you’re actually in the market for the feelings offered by various products and experiences. Spending shifts from a shotgun approach to one that is more targeted and effective.

You move from a general feeling of more is better to the realization that better is better.

The same awareness can be applied to what and how much you eat and drink, the clothes you wear, the people you spend your time with, and even where and how you live.

Your goals will also be more dialed in.

From a place of awareness, goal setting transforms from what feels like creating a massive to-do list (overwhelming) to an experience that is more intrinsically rewarding (inspiring).

By choosing projects with attention to the internal payoff — that is, how you want to feel when you complete them — you are in essence marketing to yourself. You’ll be surprised how good you are at it, and how motivating your goals become.

Zeroing In

The Desire Map contains a workbook to help you explore, refine, and hone your core desired feelings.

Another way to go about it is to think about times in your life when you have felt “good,” and ask yourself why? What was it about the situation or experience that felt good? What else where you feeling at the time?

Or start now to notice when you feel good. What is happening around you, and more importantly within you? What are you thinking, doing, or feeling that feels good? How can you generate a similar experience in other areas of your life?

The Good Life

It’s safe to say, we all want to live a good life, but good is vague and subjective.

Instead of relying on how your friends, family, or advertisers define good, do yourself a favor and discover what good feels like to you.

Then make it your goal to feel way that as often as possible.

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Want Financial Freedom? Stop Planning for Retirement

I have heard from people older and (presumably) wiser than me that life is short. For several years after college, as I worked a variety of jobs trying to find one I liked, I often wondered, If life is short, why are the days so long? Life seemed to tick by in slow, painful minutes, especially during my time at work.

Then I discovered financial planning as a career. It offered the perfect opportunity to use my analytical skills while also working with people. The idea of helping others set goals and manage their money to achieve them was something I could feel good about doing. It also offered me considerable earning potential, which meant I could achieve my financial goals in the process.

After a while, however, I noticed a major disconnect between what some clients said they wanted and their actions. For example, people would say they wanted to reduce their debt, but then they would get a raise, buy a bigger house, and take on more debt. I regularly reminded myself that my job was not to judge what people want to do with their money. My job was to help people develop and follow a plan to accomplish what they said they wanted. But I was beginning to feel like people were lying about what they wanted.

Of course, not everyone lied. Many clients said they wanted to accomplish “X” and would take action to achieve “X.” Of the people who did that, however, I noticed about half of them didn’t really seem pleased after doing so. This also confused me. They were their goals, and yet they weren’t happy to achieve them?

I’ll admit this made financial planning less fun for me. Although my stated mission was to develop financial plans to help people achieve their goals, my “secret mission” was to help people live better, happier lives. I mean, isn’t that the point of having goals?

As my practice grew and I achieved financial success that allowed me to achieve many of my goals, I noticed a similar disconnect in my own life. For example, I said I wanted to be debt-free, but I spent a lot of money playing golf and eating and drinking at my country club, instead of paying more toward the mortgage on my house. I also noticed that even as I achieved various financial goals I had set for myself and my business, I wasn’t measurably happier as a result. In the disconnect, I felt like a fraud.

Then something amazing happened.

I had two back surgeries in two weeks that left me bedridden and unable to dress myself without help. Of course, this didn’t feel amazing at the time; it felt awful. As I weaned myself from the pain meds, I started reflecting on what I was doing with my life.

I wasn’t sure I would physically recover well enough to resume pre-surgery activities, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. So many of the activities that consumed my waking hours seemed pointless. Even my work, which had been a source of joy in the early years, seemed futile. Too many of the financial plans I’d helped people develop (including my own) weren’t providing the motivation or fulfillment I hoped they would.

To pass the time in bed, I started devouring different books. One that really spoke to me was The Code of the Extraordinary Mind. In it, author Vishen Lakhiani talks about cultural and societal expectations and how they lead to brules (his term for bullshit rules). I started realizing how much of the financial planning work I did with clients was based on brules.

For example, every financial plan regardless of the software I used, includes retirement as a default – and primary – goal. What’s funny is that retirement is a made-up concept. It was popularized in the United States when President Franklin D. Roosevelt proposed the Social Security Act of 1935. Prior to that, people literally worked until they died – or as long as they were physically able.

If that sounds depressing, don’t despair.

Before the invention of retirement, people didn’t actually want to stop working. Why? Because the concept of retirement is based on the notion that as people age, they become less productive. In a speech given by one of the co-founders of Johns Hopkins University, Dr. William Osler stated that man’s most productive working years are between the ages of 20 and 40. His productivity begins to decline after age 40, and by age 60, he is essentially useless.

In line with this thinking, companies began introducing pension plans designed to lure older workers out of the workforce to make way for younger, more productive workers. The Social Security Act required workers to contribute a portion of their wages to help pay for their retirement and settled on the age of 65 to force people out. Take at look at your paystub, and you’ll see a deduction for OASDI, which stands for the Old Age, Survivors, and Disability Insurance tax.

But most working people didn’t embrace the idea of retirement. Not because they were spiteful and wanted to prevent younger people from having jobs, but because people are happier when they’re productive and useful.

It took the development of active leisure communities in warm climates like Florida and California and massive marketing campaigns extolling the virtues of leisure to make the idea of retirement tolerable. And with the passage of time, and a few thousand gold watches, the image of retirement was transformed from an indictment of a person’s uselessness to the crowning achievement in his career.

It should be no surprise that when I asked clients at what age they’d like to retire, the most common answers were age 62 (the age at which a person is first eligible for a reduced Social Security benefit), age 65 (the age at which Medicare, the federally-funded health insurance and sister to Social Security becomes available), or whatever age between 65 and 67 that is considered Full Retirement Age, according to Social Security.

I often wondered about this, especially for people who had more than enough investment assets to retire at a younger age, or for those who clearly loved their work and reluctantly gave it up when they reached their pre-determined Retirement Age. I hadn’t realized how powerful the conditioning of retirement as the ultimate goal was in people’s minds.

I did realize, however, that with the promise of retirement in people’s sites, they were willing to endure about any job, no matter how much they hated it. Client after client confessed to me that they would rather be doing something else for work, but it was “too late” to make a change. So instead, they resigned themselves to work a job they disliked because they only had 8 (or 10 or 12) years until retirement anyway. Twelve years!! That’s a lot of minutes ticking slowly by until you can finally become useless.

But that’s ok. I had a solution for it.

To help you survive the next however many years until you can retire from the job you hate, we can add additional goals to your financial plan!

Because you spend most of your waking hours at a job you merely tolerate, why don’t you plan a vacation to help you can escape your boredom? If you really dislike your job, you should probably take two as an escape from it.

We can also increase your current expense budget so you have extra money to eat out, because you’ll be too tired after your stressful day at work to want to cook. You’ll definitely need more money for booze, because your boss and your customers are such jerks, and you deserve a drink (or three) for putting up with them.

Forget cleaning your house or mowing your lawn, even though you find those activities rewarding and they ‘re the only form of exercise you get. We can add a line item to cover those expenses. And since you spend so much time on the road working your stinking job, you owe it to yourself to drive a nice car while you’re doing it.

On and on it went.

I thought about all the financial plans I’d written with the looming goal of retirement as their centerpiece. No wonder so many people weren’t motivated by their financial plans or happier when they achieved the goals in them. It’s also no surprise when I asked people about their biggest challenge with money, 85% of them told me it’s trying to balance saving enough for retirement while enjoying life today.

So what’s the solution?

At the risk of having my Certified Financial Planner designation revoked, I suggest that you stop planning for retirement.

Instead, plan to live a life you enjoy now and for however long you get to live it. Find work that you enjoy and work as long as you want to. (It’s worth noting here that Dr. Osler – remember him? – went on to found numerous organizations and institutions and was a prolific author and speaker until he died at age 74. He definitely was not useless.) Examine how you spend your money, time, and energy. How much are you spending enduring or escaping your current life?

But don’t ask me to write a financial plan for you. I don’t do that anymore. I decided at age 49 to shift gears and get certified as a life coach, so I could help people set and achieve goals without brules. And even though I’m too “young” and I don’t play golf anymore, I moved to Florida. I realized how much I love warmth, sunshine, and the beach – all of which are free here!

Click here for tips on identifying and eliminating brules from your life.

How Much is Enough?

The question of enough is interesting – and one that nearly everyone has. Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman found in his research on money and happiness that, beyond a certain level of sufficiency (currently about $75,000 a year in the US), more money doesn’t buy more happiness.

In other studies correlating participants’ income with “how much would it take to make you happy,” nearly everyone in every income bracket said, “Fifty percent more than I have now.” When asked to rate their current level of happiness, there was no significant difference between the top and bottom income earners, meaning the participant already earning 50% more rated his happiness at about the same level (and believes 50% more income than he has now is the magic bullet to increasing it).

More interesting is that when plotting the data showing the relationship between the experience of fulfillment and the amount of money we spend, it clearly has a peak. There is a point at which our level of fulfillment flattens out with the more money we spend and eventually begins to decrease.

Why is this? More money often brings more worry and more money-related decisions. More possessions to care for and maintain. More to lose. More time away from family, friends, and the activities that fulfill us in order to earn more. And don’t forget more taxes, more tax accounting fees, more demands from community charities, and on and on it goes, until one day, we find ourselves sitting, unfulfilled, in our big house surrounded by all the “more” we were striving for, yearning for a time when we had less and could find joy in the simpler things.

Rather than perpetuating the belief that more is what you need to be happier, spend some time identifying your peak of the fulfillment curve, which is key to answering the persistent question, “How much is enough? 

Schedule a free 45-minute Discovery Session for help identifying your peak.   

You’re 1-Click Away from Financial Freedom

American evangelist Billy Graham was quoted as saying, “Give me five minutes with a person’s checkbook, and I will tell you where their heart is.”

Apparently, my heart is at Amazon. I relish the convenience of online shopping, especially around the holidays when the stores are crowded, or in the winter when the outside temperatures are frigid, or any time, really, because it’s faster and easier to “Buy now with 1-Click®” and have something delivered to my door the next day (or the same day, if I’m lucky).

Anyone who knows me knows that I love efficiency, and what’s more efficient than the single click of a button to buy most anything I want?

The dark side of efficiency.

Unfortunately, just as it requires little work or effort to buy items with 1-Click, it requires little thought into the purchase as well.

See something you want. Click. It’s yours!

Once upon a time, you had to actually get up from the sofa, go get your credit card (unless you had the number memorized, of course), manually type in the number, expiration date and security code – and then do it again, because you mistyped something.

Oh, the effort and tediousness of it!

On more than one occasion after mistyping a number, or occasionally even before getting off the sofa to retrieve my credit card, I thought about what I was buying and decided the effort wasn’t worth it. It’s not that I’m lazy; it’s just that the time required to make the purchase often allowed me time to consider if the purchase was something I truly wanted or needed.

With Paypal, Apple Pay, and 1-Click shopping, you have approximately 1.3 seconds to consider how much you want or need whatever shows up in your Facebook feed or the insidious ads that pepper your online experience.

Everything from small, insignificant, and inexpensive items to extravagant, time- and budget-consuming vacations can be yours with one click. This convenience sets the stage for a complete lack of awareness around your spending that doesn’t register until your credit card statement arrives.

How often have you looked at the amount due on your statement and wondered how on earth it got that high?

Lack of awareness around spending is a major cause of stress related to your money.

Sometimes the stress comes from a higher-than-anticipated credit card balance.

Sometimes it’s the recognition that a purchase was frivolous or didn’t deliver the satisfaction from you sought from it.

Other times, it’s the realization that those mindlessly easy purchases are keeping you from your financial goals such as reducing your overall debt or creating an emergency fund so you can weather the financial storms that invariably come.

And sometimes it’s the realization that the cumulative effect of those efficient little purchases is preventing you from achieving your bigger goals in life like changing jobs, starting your own business, or investing in assets that will generate passive income (the key to true financial freedom).

One click that can help you.

If you’d like to develop strategies to be more intentional with your spending, so you can reduce stress, have peace of mind around your money, and move confidently toward your goals, click here to schedule your complimentary discovery session.

How to Stop Lying About Money

Life is full of defining moments. Sometimes the moments are in difficult-to-endure experiences, like an illness that forces you to reevaluate choices related to your lifestyle, or a job loss that forces you to redefine your career path or standard of living.

Other times, the moments occur in a flash, from something you read online or a simple statement from a casual acquaintance that causes you to reexamine your beliefs and do an about-face.

It is said that when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

I once said to my business coach that money, in and of itself, is not important to me, and that I’ve never been motivated to make money for the sake of making money.

 He replied, “Sure. And gas isn’t important to me…unless I want to get in my car and go somewhere.”

He explained that while my attitude toward money may seem commendable (after all, isn’t the love of money the root of all evil?), it’s completely disrespectful and is likely undermining everything I’m trying to accomplish personally and professionally.

That was a defining moment for me.

As soon as he said it, I knew it was true. My disrespectful attitude toward money had contributed to a cycle of making lots of money and then feeling completely insecure about my financial future. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Since then, I’ve paid close attention to commonly accepted lies we like to tell about money.

How many of these do you tell?

Lie #1: Money’s not important.

The last time I checked, money is still the medium of exchange for just about everything you want to do, have, and experience in life, no matter how simple or extravagant. To say it’s not important is naïve and stupid – and I say this with all the lovingkindness of someone who used to believe it.

Is air important? Is food important? Of course they are! They’re vital to your existence, as is money. Yet somehow you’ve been conditioned to believe that money is inherently bad, and that pursuing or attempting to accumulate it somehow makes you a bad person. 

The next time you’re tempted to say money’s not important, hold your breath. You’ll avoid wasting it on a lie, and you’ll be reminded that, just like the air you take in when you can no longer hold your breath, money is necessary and therefore important.

Lie #2: Your net worth is an indication of your wealth.

One of the first things I learned to do as a financial planner was prepare a net worth statement for clients. Net worth is determined by subtracting everything you owe (your liabilities) from everything you own (your assets) to arrive at a (dollar amount) number known as your net worth. We use this number to grade your financial health, and the goal is to see it increase over time.

The problem with using your net worth as a measure of your financial health is that it has nothing to do with your financial freedom.

Financial freedom, or financial independence, is achieved when you have enough income to pay your living expenses for the rest of your life without having to be employed or dependent on others. 

Notice that financial freedom is achieved with income, so unless the assets on your net worth statement are the kind that produce income, they’re irrelevant to your financial freedom.

In other words, the house you own – regardless of how much it’s worth or whether or not you owe money on it – doesn’t contribute to your financial freedom unless you plan to charge admission for people to see it, rent out rooms in it, or sell it and invest in something that produces income.

Instead of simply accumulating assets to increase your net worth, start accumulating assets that produce income, such as a business or income-producing investments or real estate. And use your income statement rather than your net worth statement to measure your wealth.

Lie #3: Little expenses and expenditures don’t matter.

A client of mine who was financially independent despite never earning more than $35,000 a year from her job as a schoolteacher told me one of the secrets to her financial success:

“Beware of mosquitos. They suck more blood than vampires.”

Having lived in south Florida for 17 years, I know a thing or two about mosquitos. They’re everywhere, and seemingly always hungry – particularly for my blood. Strangely, I’ve never a encountered a vampire, despite their numerous appearances in movies and television shows.

That was her point.

As intelligent adults, we’re on the lookout for big financial pitfalls, and if we’re diligent, we avoid them. Unfortunately, we spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars every year on little things that prevent us from achieving financial freedom and peace of mind. And we do it $1, $5, and $10 at a time.

You’re probably aware of the latte factor described in David Bach’s book Smart Women Finish Rich. It illustrates the detrimental impact on your financial health of that innocuous $5 specialty coffee and shows how much money you can accumulate by redirecting that $5 (x however many times a week you indulge) into an income-producing investment that compounds over time.

The truth is, the more you spend on little purchases (like the $5 lunch because you didn’t feel like packing, or the $10/month gym membership you don’t actually use) the less you have to invest in assets that produce income. The fewer income-producing assets you have, the less financial freedom you have.

The truth will set you free.

Do yourself a favor and examine the lies you tell yourself (and others) about money. 

And beware of one of the most insidious lies you can tell, which is that you don’t need professional help with your money. Even professionals trained in financial services should seek outside help with their money. Why?

Money is an emotionally-charged subject.

The most intelligent and logical among you will have difficulty consistently following your rational mind (which likes long-term payoffs) instead of your emotional mind (which prefers instant gratification). 

Find a professional to hold you accountable as you as you discover and implement the truths that that will set you (financially) free. 

If you want me to be your accountability partner, click here so we can meet.

We All Have to Start Somewhere

I’ve loved to read for as long as I can remember. I loved it so much that I majored in English in college.

I like to write, too, but I’ve never done it for anyone but me. At least not since my failing grade in Creative Writing 101.

So if this blog appears new, that’s because it is. We all have to start somewhere.

My goal in writing here is help you be informed, inspired, educated, motivated, irritated, annoyed, exasperated – or whatever it takes to make you want to actively pursue financial freedom, so you can reduce stress, have peace of mind around your money, and live a life you truly love.

It’s entirely possible for you to do that.

If you’re not sure what a “life you truly love” would even look like, feel free to reach out, schedule a laser discovery session, and we’ll explore it together.